


Just Kidding Around

by Kereea



Series: ASL In Red [17]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Shanks is a troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7382896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eustass Kid ends up in an awkward situation. Shanks has a ball. Benn really needs a drink. And Rocinante and Kuzan wonder what the hell they’re watching.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Kidding Around

 Rocinante stretched as he woke up.

 Today was the day they were finally getting off this island. Sure a vacation was nice—hell, it was entirely warranted after Dressrosa—but eventually one just had to get up and start doing things again before going mad from boredom.

 He went to get out of bed but his foot caught in the sheets, resulting in an ungainly face-plant into the rug.

 “That’s one way to start the day.”

 “Oh shut it,” Rocinante muttered, unheard over Kuzan’s chuckles.

 “Can I help it if you’re cute?” Kuzan teased.

 “Seriously, don’t push your luck, I didn’t sleep that well.” The halls had been annoying noisy last night. While he’d used his powers to block that out quickly the walls were thin enough for the vibrations to still wake them up.

 Kuzan muttered something about troublesome partiers in agreement as he slid his glasses on.

 He’d worn them almost every day since his fight with Sakazuki. Rocinante was beginning to suspect he’d sustained some eye damage.

 “So, how do we find Shanks, then?” Kuzan sighed.

 “Good old fashioned tracking, I suppose,” Rocinante said. “At least someone as powerful as him generally isn’t the type to hide their movements, so we should be able to figure out his general location fairly soon…or, you know, get the kids to call him and ask if we can meet.”

 “That one’s easier. Do that,” Kuzan said.

 There was a soft creaking noise as his ice prosthetic materialized itself. Rocinante was impressed with how well it formed every single time, how uniform the end result ended up. Kuzan really had an impressive amount of control over his element.

 “Think they sell coffee out of that bar down there?” Rocinante asked.

 “Oh please yes,” Kuzan said. “I need some energy to use that bike even if you have to help now.”

 “Yeah, yeah, I—holy shit,” Rocinante said, pausing on the way into the hotel’s restaurant.

 The Kid Pirates were hanging around the bar and some tables. Eustass Kid was quietly discussing things with his first mate, Killer.

 “Chill, Roci. I got this,” Kuzan said.

 Rocinante went to stop him but Kuzan walked right over, “Excuse me for interrupting but were you the brats who decided to keep everyone else up last night?”

 “Who the fuck are OH SHIT!” Kid yelped. As he stood up to get in a defensive stance Rocinante noticed the large amount of bandages wrapped around his torso…including his shoulder as he seemed to be missing an arm.

 Killer seemed a bit calmer, keeping his tone even despite his raised weapons, “No we weren’t. And what are you doing here?”

 “Getting coffee. If it wasn’t you then I’m not interested. So who was it?”

 “Dude, we don’t know,” a tall man Rocinante recognized from wanted posters as Wire said. “We were hanging around down here to beat them up when they came to breakfast.”

 “…Reasonable. Assholes were shaking the damn walls,” Kuzan said, walking up to the bar. “Coffee. Roci, you want coffee or tea?”

 “Oh, if it’s caffeinated, tea,” Rocinante said, trying not to laugh at the baffled young pirates just staring at Kuzan. “He retired, kids. No worries. Besides if he _wanted_ to do anything you’d be frozen solid by now.”

 Kid eyed him warily before slowly sitting back down, “So who the fuck are you?”

 “Donquixote Rocinante, I’m with him,” Rocinante said. “So if you weren’t the partiers, what were you doing here?”

 “Just, you know, hanging out,” Killer said nonchalantly.

 Rocinante nodded, keeping his expression neutral. As long as he kept the conversation innocuous they’d probably give up some good information. Like the fact that obviously they weren’t just hanging out. Kid’s injuries and the roughed up look of some of the others indicated that they’d lost a fight recently. Or possibly encountered some obstacle like a Sea King nest. They also obviously hadn’t slept well, given their wish for revenge on the partiers and bags under their eyes that would make Law’s look tame.

 “Ah, yeah. It’s a great place. Having a fun vacation?” he asked, sitting at another table. To make up for the slight distance he subtly dampened the background noise.

 “Yeah. Cool place,” Kid said flatly.

 They hadn’t been here long. They were trying to lay low. Probably hadn’t explored at all yet. Given the laying-low and the injuries, probably weren’t planning a ransack of the joint.

 “It is,” Rocinante agreed as Kuzan returned with their drinks. “So I couldn’t hear anything over the pounding noises but did you make out anything about the partiers? Might make figuring out who they are easier.”

 “Somebody was doing loud shots,” the man with stitch-tattoos, Wire, said.

 “Didn’t catch names, we’re waiting on the voices,” Kid said flatly.

 “Ah, good plan,” Kuzan said.

 “So…why’d you leave the Marines anyway. Aren’t you lot all ‘rawr, justice!’ and shit?” Kid asked.

 “Sakazuki’s a prick. Didn’t want to work for him. Left. Yeah, you can quote me on that,” Kuzan said.

 “I kind of like this guy,” Kid muttered to Killer who nodded, snickering.

 “You read the papers recently?” Kuzan said.

 “Hey yeah, you were on—you two were both there! Dressrosa! What the fuck happened?” Kid asked.

 “Shit went down,” Rocinante said. “Doffy got beat. Not much.”

 “Not much?” Kid asked. “That’s another Warlord down to that Straw Hat kid!”

 Rocinante tried not to laugh at Kid calling someone else a kid. It was just funny.

 “He’s awfully good at that kind of thing,” Kuzan mused. “I met his crew in Paradise. Fun bunch.”

 Whatever Kid was about to say was drowned out in loud laughter. “Dahahaha! That’s a good one!”

 “Those are the shitheads,” Kid growled, and suddenly all the cutlery in the restaurant was aimed at the door as the laughter and conversation drew closer.

 …Interesting power.

 “Wait, I know that voice,” Kuzan said.

 The door burst open and Red Haired Shanks stroked in, followed by his crew. “So what do you have to eat around here? Huh, flying silverware, cool.”

 Shanks reached out and started tapping some of the spoons. Kid seemed too stunned to do whatever else he was going to do with the table settings. Or to even move in general.

 “Shit,” Killer muttered.

 “I told you he’d go overboard with the hair of the dog,” Benn Beckman said.

 “Look, I’m sorry,” Yasopp said.

 “I _told_ you to keep an eye on that bottle.”

 “I looked away for like a second, man!” Yasopp groaned.

 “Are you…drunk?” Rocinante asked Shanks.

 “Nah, just buzzed,” Shanks said, still inspecting the suspended silverware. “So anyway who’s doing this?”

 Kuzan nodded at Kid.

 “Huh, neat,” Shanks said, moving the cutlery aside so he could get to the bar. “So I guess coffee because Benn will shoot me if I ask for rum.” He turned to Kid. “So you’re one of the Worst Generation, right? What are you doing here?”

 Kid’s crew shared glances, obviously trying to judge the situation. Rocinante decided to help them out. “Waiting on breakfast like anyone else.”

 “Dahaha, good point,” Shanks said. “What about you, Aokiji?”

 “Ex-Aokiji, it’s Kuzan now,” Kuzan said. “Roci and I are just vacationing.”

 “Heard you dragged our boys into a spot of trouble,” Benn said.

 “Yep. Our bad,” Rocinante offered.

 “Well they lived so you get to too,” Shank said. He frowned at the Kid Pirates, “Aw come on guys; I’m not here to hurt you! I promise!”

 Some of Kid’s crew relaxed.

 “So you just came here to party?” Kid asked warily.

 “Yeah. Sort of our thing. Kick some ass, party, kick some more ass, party more,” Shanks said. “Oh jeez, you lose that arm recently?”

 Before Kid could answer Lucky Roo butted in, “Hey Captain, you and he match!”

 “I noticed…don’t tell me you were left handed too,” Shanks said.

 “Ambidextrous,” Kid said flatly.

 “You lucky little shit,” Shanks said, grinning.

 “You’re…Straw Hat Luffy’s father, right?” Killer asked.

 “Yeah, him, Sabo, and Ace are Benn’s and my brats,” Shanks said.

 “So wait…if they were on your crew…how were they super rookies?” Wire asked.

 “I remember that argument,” Benn said. “Back when the Worst Generation were just called Supernovas, some of you people didn’t know if Luffy and Ace counted since they were our kids.”

 “A Supernova is technically someone who has over a hundred million bounty before reaching the New World,” Rocinante explained. “While Shanks and Benn’s kids were here _before_ starting their pirate careers. They weren’t active as pirates, so their rookie status was maintained.”

 “Oh,” Wire said.

 “Huh…interesting…did Ace have a bounty as a kid?” Shanks asked Kuzan.

 “Pretty sure the Government learned from Nico Robin that it doesn’t really help catch kids and just makes them look bad for not being able to get a hold of a child,” Kuzan said. “I think there were directives about ‘hey, this one kid of Shanks’, make sure you grab him if you can’ but I know there was no bounty. Remember, I was a damn Admiral and had no idea who he was.”

 “Huh. Well it’s semantics anyway, I guess,” Shanks said. “So, Eustass, what do you want again?”

 “…I didn’t approach you. I was here first,” Kid said.

 “We can confirm that,” Rocinante admitted.

 “Oh, right, my bad! Dahahaha!” Shanks laughed.

 Rocinante, Kuzan, and the Kid Pirates all stared at him blankly while the Red Hair Pirates shook their heads.

 “Emperor Shanks, ladies and gentlemen,” Yasopp chuckled, sitting down at one of the tables. “Round of coffee over here, bring lots of sugar, okay?”

  “Okay so, they count as rookies. Whatever,” Kid said. “Straw Hat says he’s going to be Pirate King what’s your take on that?”

 “Who wants to know?” Shanks asked.

 “The guy who’s going to be Pirate King,” Kid said.

 “Huh…that’s going to be interesting all right,” Shanks said. “So you think you’re going to, huh?”

 “You think I can’t?” Kid asked.

 “Never said that. Just…I don’t know that much about you other than you have power over table settings,” Shanks said.

 “He can control _metal_ ,” Kuzan said.

 “…Yeah, see, that’s way more useful, _obviously_ I need to know more about you like…what have you done?” Shanks asked. “Like, even since getting to the New World…I mean most of you have been here what, a year now?”

 “Thereabouts,” Killer said. “And what do you mean ‘what has the captain done?’”

 “Since getting here. Not like any of you have made a big name,” Benn said. “What makes you think you can take Gold Roger’s throne when you’re not even making any serious waves?”

 Shanks laughed, “He’s got you Supernovas pegged. Seriously all but three of you made a beeline right here and started picking fights you weren’t ready for. Hell, some of you went _right for_ an Emperor, like Drake.”

 “So you saying Straw Hat had a better plan?” Kid growled.

 “Hmm, training for a year before entering the most dangerous sea in the world that eats rookies, even super rookies, like candy? Yeah,” Shanks said, nodding.

 Kuzan snorted into his coffee and shot Rocinante a grin. Seemed he agreed with Shanks.

 “And what, your kid gets let off for messing with Big Mom and Kaido too while you’re mocking the rest of us for similar?” Kid asked.

 “Facing Linlin was just them backing up the Whitebeard Crew, an established New World organization-”

 “Currently getting its ass kicked from all sides,” Kid added.

 “But the point _stands_ ,” Shanks said. “While Kaido was merely a side-effect of taking down Doflamingo. His _third_ Warlord, by the way, fourth if you think convincing Jinbe to work for him counts. What have _you_ done again? Kill people? We’ve _all_ killed people, kiddo.”

 “Must have done something right if my bounty was higher than his on Sabaody,” Kid said.

 “And lower ever since, even with that recent jump to four twenty-five,” Kuzan interjected. “And sorry Roci, I got to disagree with what you said last year—Kid’s bounty _never_ should have been higher than Straw Hat’s. Not before Sabaody and _certainly_ not after, no matter how many people he killed. Straw Hat Luffy took down two Warlords, blew up Eines Lobby, and _declared war on the Government_ _over Nico Robin_. Kid just killed a shitload of people. That’s not exactly news. Arlong killed plenty of people in East Blue, took over seven or eight islands, and we only gave him twenty million. It’s not kills, it’s rep.”

 “I suppose my specific sense of morality could have blinded me to the fact that government technically should have considered Luffy worse,” Rocinante said, sipping his tea. “I tend to consider dead bodies worse than annoyed officials, myself.”

 “And it’s a perfectly fine morality to have but it doesn’t line up with how they give bounties,” Lucky Roo said.

 Rocinante shrugged, ceding the point.

 “So, Kiddo,” Shanks said, leaning against the bar, “What have you been up to? Wrecked a couple Marine Bases? Massacred some minor crews? I’ll assume it was _something_ for the bounty hike but for the life of me I haven’t heard of it. Hell I’ve barely heard a peep from the ‘Worst Generation’ bar my brats, Law, and Blackbeard. I thought you all were supposed to be some huge game changer.”

 “Jewelry Bonney made big headlines for escaping Marine custody,” Yasopp said. “That’s about it I think.”

 “Aw, good for her. I’m sure Linlin threw some big ‘girl power’ tea party with her daughters over that one, she did it when Hancock became a Warlord too,” Shanks said grinning. “But yeah, the rest of you? Grabbed some territory, settled in, and didn’t do much else. I’m not saying you _had_ to, I mean almost no one heard of me before I was an Emperor, but could you at least tone down the bragging until you can back it up? I’d hate someone to take you too seriously too soon and off you before you do anything interesting!”

 Rocinante was surprised by Shanks’ tone. He sounded…honestly concerned and disappointed. Like he _wanted_ Kid to pull off something big.

 …Rocinante was really starting to see the guy’s influence on Luffy.

 “Are you threatening me?” Kid asked warily.

 “I said I wasn’t going to hurt you and I’m not so nope,” Shanks said. “I’m warning you. You’re not the first hotshot and you won’t be the last, especially if you get your ass whooped within your first few years.”

 “Seriously, you’re not even the first super-rookies,” Benn added. “Rockstar was one too and there’s others running around. Like that pretty weirdo who eats flowers.”

 “Cavendish,” Rockstar supplied. “Yeah he’s got nice hair.”

 “He was funny, had some great wine too,” Shanks said. “Anyway, actual point: you want to be feared in the New World? Step up, kiddo.”

 Rocinante gaped at him. Was he actually telling _Eustass Kid_ to _get stronger_?

 …Did Red Haired Shanks know anything about this kid at all? He was a ruthless killer, and a rival to Luffy and Law!

 Rocinante stilled at a tap to his shoulder. Benn Beckman leaned close as Shanks continued admonishing a stunned Kid. “Take it easy, Donquixote, Shanks knows what he’s doing.”

 “He’s telling someone likely to fight _our kids_ to get stronger!” Rocinante hissed.

 “Well yeah. Eustass Kid and Luffy are bound to come to blows and Shanks doesn’t want it to be boring for Luffy when it happens,” Benn said. “Because, well…he’s got a point. What _has_ Kid done besides kill people?”

 “For the love of— _why isn’t killing people enough_?” Rocinante hissed.

 “Well think about it, Roci—you’ve killed people, admittedly mostly on orders but you _have_ straight-up murdered people, and to my knowledge Law hasn’t beyond some self-defense,” Kuzan said. “Who would win in a fight, you or him?”

 “I wouldn’t even be a challenge unless I got really creative,” Rocinante admitted. “Law’s a lot more powerful than _oh you have got to be kidding me_.”

 “Now he gets it,” Kuzan said, reaching around Rocinante to clap Benn on the back.

 “Who gets what?” Killer asked.

 “A point I was making to him,” Benn said smoothly.

 Rocinante shook his head. Of course, Shanks was working off the idea that Luffy would want a real _challenge_ from Kid, not an easy win. “Parenting tips is all.”

 “Pirate adoption’s a lot of fun,” Benn said. Killer shrugged it off and tried to talk an increasing-agitated Kid out of blowing his top at a grinning Shanks.

 The tall man, Wire, snorted. “Tell ‘em that after they realize they’re married.”

 “Ooh, you don’t think they know? Sad,” Lucky Roo said. “Benn, that almost as sad as that time Shanks screwed up asking you out?”

 “That was nothing short of hilarious and it’s mutiny to say otherwise,” Benn said.

 “Isn’t declaring mutiny the Captain’s job?” Yasopp asked.

 “Yeah, and he’ll declare that’s mutiny if he wants to sleep in his own bed,” Benn said firmly.

 “Are you saying you’ve got an Emperor whipped?” Heat asked, wide-eyed.

 “No, that I have an Emperor in a functioning relationship with me and that decision is my prerogative,” Benn said.

 “…If being married means like you and the Emperor then yeah, they’re there,” Wire said.

 “All right then let me make a deal with you fine young men,” Benn said. “You don’t tell them any of that, and I’ll get Shanks to stop riling your captain.”

 “Please!” Heat said quickly.

 “Deal,” Wire added.

 Benn nodded and walked over to Shanks, “Stop trolling the kid and just give him advice if you’re going to. It’s getting ridiculous.”

 Rocinante smothered another laugh at how steam was practically coming out of Kid’s ears by this point.

 “Oh, fine,” Shanks said. “Get stronger, come up with something creative to compensate for the lost arm, and loosen up a bit, you’re wound like a clock, kiddo.”

 “He’s wound because you were messing with him,” Kuzan said.

 “I’m being defended by a former Admiral. This day makes no sense,” Kid muttered, crossing his arm across his chest.

 “That’s a lot of days, from my perspective. You learn to roll with it,” Shanks said.

 Kid’s eye twitched.

 “So what did you say about exploring the island?” Killer asked Rocinante.

 “It’s nice. You should do it. Right now,” Rocinante said flatly. He felt it was best something happen before Kid exploded.

 “Yeah, maybe stretching our legs is just the thing we need, Captain!” Heat suggested.

 “Anything to get away from that guy,” Kid muttered, heading for the door.

 “Hope to see you again!” Shanks called after him. He shrugged at Benn, “So he seemed nice. Little uptight and full of himself but nice.”

 “ _You’re_ full of yourself,” Benn said as Lucky Roo burst out laughing.

 “Mm, true,” Shanks said. He turned back to Rocinante and Kuzan, mouth turning down into a frown, “So…about Dressrosa?”

 Rocinante reached into his jacket, “Before you get pissed off at us, I have appeasement.”

 Shanks’ eyes widened as Rocinante handed over the pilfered photos. “Where’d you get these?”

 “Took them off my father,” Rocinante said.

 “He means Sengoku,” Kuzan added.

 “…Law’s grandpa is Sengoku? Oh well, something else to tease him about,” Shanks mused as Benn spread the pictures out. “Holy _shit_ who pissed Ace off enough to burn down that much?”

 “Doffy. Ace did pretty well against him,” Rocinante said. “So did Law and Luffy.”

 “Aw, that’s my firecracker,” Shanks cooed, looking at another picture that had a blurry Ace and Gladius fighting in the background. “There’s not many of Luffy and Sabo…”

 “They were at the castle most of the time with Law, there’s this good one of Sabo,” Rocinante said, fishing one of the birdcage-stalling out of the pile. Sabo and Koala had his haki-coated pipe braced against the bars to shove them back.

 “Nice,” Benn said. “Here’s one of Luffy, Shanks.”

 It was a shot of Luffy running—given what Law had told him, Rocinante guessed it was when Doffy had been knocked away at one point and Luffy was looking for him to hit him again.

 “Aw, look at our boys, causing mayhem…Yasopp, here’s Usopp!” Shanks called, waving the photo.

 “So you’re just messing with the Marines, huh?” Benn asked.

 “Little bit,” Rocinante confessed.

 “Not much else to do…well, he’s the man with the plan but I think even he’s winging it by now,” Kuzan admitted.

 “You’re giving them trouble too, huh?” Shanks asked.

 “What are you doing?” Kuzan asked.

 “Oh, I get to feed the Marines _so_ much misinformation. You have no idea,” Shanks said, beaming.

 “ _No_ ,” Rocinante said.

 “Yep! Buggy’s a freaking _genius_ ,” Shanks said.

 “You only think that because you get free booze out of the deal,” Benn scolded lightly.

 “Your pal the Warlord? Wait, counting Mihawk you’ve got two of those, huh…” Kuzan mused. “Working the system, are you?”

 “Whole family seems to be,” Rocinante snickered as he remembered Luffy’s general good relationship with Hancock and recruitment of Jinbe. That left Weevil and the other newbie as the only ones that family didn’t have their hooks in or had beat up.

 “Yeah. See, Buggy _loves_ treasure. So he likes getting the government to really pay him a _lot_ ,” Shanks said. “So he said, he said to them ‘hey, Shanks still thinks of me as a buddy, how about I get him plastered for information?’ And they _fell for it_!”

 “We’re at five bar crawls on the government’s dime already, in addition to what Buggy gets paid for his ‘information’,” Benn chuckled.

 “So what does he tell them?” Rocinante chuckled, grabbing another glass of wine.

 “Well obviously an experienced drinker like yours truly needs to be good and sloshed before I’d spill anything, and by then I’d just be saying all sorts of random stuff and Buggy has to be such a _smart guy_ to pry anything out of it,” Shanks said. “…Aka we tell ‘em mostly shit they already know and a few fake things in the middle. It’s a great racket.”

 “Buggy has them convinced the Heart Pirates’ sub can change colors,” Benn said. “And the Thousand Sunny is coal powered.”

 “So we re-arranged the letters of the fuel a little…” Shanks said innocently. “But seriously: I get my booze, Buggy gets his gold, we both get laughs, Sakazuki gets fucked over, everyone wins! Except Sakazuki cause **fuck him**.”

 “Not when you’re drunk Shanks, rein it in,” Benn said, punching him for using Haki.

 “Aw, Benn…” Shanks whined.

 “One of the feared Emperors of the New World…is an utter _kid_ ,” Kuzan complained.

 “Hey, ice man? Shut up and drink your beer,” Shanks said brightly. “Now c’mon, Benn, don’t be mad at me…”

 Rocinante quickly made a tiny silence bubble to smother his snickers as Benn shook his head, grinning at Shanks. Shanks was…a lot like Luffy, actually. The resemblance was uncanny at this point. Though the temper reminded him more of Portgas D. Ace’s allegedly _very_ angry assault on Doffy as related to him by a very pleased Law.

 “So we can keep some of these, right? I’ve got to give Hawky this one of Zoro,” Shanks said, waving the picture in question. “He’ll love it!”

 “Yeah, fine,” Rocinante said. “I need to hang on to a few though. I have some potential plans.”

 “So you’re definitely where Law gets the plotting,” Benn said.

“Guilty,” Rocinante said. “Also, Red Hair? Sakazuki’s weaker on his left. Kuzan got him pretty good.”

 “Huh…his left’s my right…and guess what my dominant arm is now?” Shanks mused. “Yep, that’ll be fun!”

.o.o.o.

 “So…those were the Red Hair Pirates,” Killer said.

 “How the heck is that idiot one of the Four Emperors?” Kid demanded.

 “I don’t know if he’s an idiot, captain,” Wire said. “More like he acts like one but isn’t really that dumb.”

 “All I know is…when I make my mark on the New World, it’ll be because I took him out. Straw Hat Luffy has to beat him to be Pirate King?” Kid mused. “I’ll remind rubber boy who _really_ deserves the crown.”

**Author's Note:**

> Aw, poor Eustass. He thinks he can be Pirate King. But can he resist Luffy's friendship powers next time they meet? I dunno, we'll see. 
> 
> The photos return, and Mihawk will see them later. Rocinante was smart to keep them, Shanks was not a happy camper about forcibly forgetting Ace for ten minutes. Best to smooth things over. 
> 
> This story was SUCH a pain. Initially I tried to indulge one of my headcanons, that Kid is missing the same arms as Shanks for a reason like Shanks being the one who cut it off. But it was really hard to keep the tone when I tried doing that. Then I tried Shanks getting into a fight with Kid for kicks and it still didn't work. So troll-Shanks it was. Tho he makes a good point for both this universe and canon: the supernovas were supposed to turn the world upside down...but it's not til Luffy hits the New World that anything really gets moving. A lot are just subordinates to Emperors or just kind of mucking around. WTF, Supernovas? At least Law went Warlord and Bonney has an excuse to lay low!
> 
> Next time we meet Weevil as we join the Whitebeard Pirates in battle in Burn It To The Ground. That's right, it's Ace's time to shine!


End file.
